My grandmother gave me an awesome devotional for my graduation. My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. I highly recommend it as it speaks simple truths that really speak to the heart. The other day I read one about the ministry of the inner life. It said, "How long is it going to take God to free us from the unhealthy habit of thinking only about ourselves? We must get to the point of being sick to death of ourselves, until there is no longer any surprise of anything God might tell us about ourselves. We cannot reach and understand the depths of our meagerness. There is only one place where we are right with God, and that is in Christ Jesus. Once we are there, we have to pour out our lives for all we are worth in this ministry of the inner life."
I can't begin to tell you the number of times I catch myself feeling ashamed that I have done something wrong because I come into the realization that I have constantly just been thinking of myself. When my focus becomes about me I begin to fall away from God. I push people away from me that are good influences in my life, and I make decisions based on how I feel and what I want. And then what? I am pleased for a small period of time until God breaks me to the point where I feel stripped of everything. He brings me to a point where I do not want it to be about me. I don't want to do it my way anymore, and I want Him to take control. And though I will never be able to understand why He extends His grace to me, I can't put into words how truly thankful I am for it. Thankful that He never went anywhere and thankful He was always here even when I ignored Him. My life was never meant to be about me. God has given me everything that I have ever had and will have, and my purpose is to allow Him to use me in whatever way is pleasing to Him. Unfortunately when you fall and scrape your knee it doesn't heal overnight, it takes time. But you don't just sit on the ground forever, you have to get up and brush yourself off and keep going.
"True brokenness is the shattering of my self-will, and the absolute surrender of my will to the will of God."
I will never be perfect, I will always make mistakes, and I will always return to selfishly thinking of myself at times. But I will seek to serve God, who is the only fulfillment, and I will be thankful for His loving grace.
"Porque por gracia ustedes han sido salvados mediante la fe; esto no procede de ustedes, sino que es el regalo de Dios, no por obras, para que nadie se jacte. Porque somos hechura de Dios, creados in Cristo Jesus para buenas obras, las cuales Dios dispuso de antemano a fin de que las pongamos en practica." Efesios 2: 8-10
